New Green & are you in the mood for a self-depricating post?

I bought this guy at the food co-op today. I do love the food co-op. And, so far, my trips there are cheaper than therapy. I was meandering the produce area this morning when a friendly lady shared with me that she just loves this green. It's called 'tatsoy.' She says she steams it a little and then sautees it with shiitake mushrooms and onions. Sounded good to me! I'll be experimenting with that later...

Back in August it was my intent to detox from fatty foods and other beloved toxins and be a pseudo-vegan freak of nature. I forgot my context: the midwest. Where it is SO HARD to resist Quik Trip and fast food and other delectable poisons. It sneaks up on you, really. Plus, as John says, "you have to give [yourself] a test [you] can pass." The no coffee, no dairy, no alchohol, no refined anything...just wasn't happening. And why should it? No shame, no blame. Just move forward.

So, I'm pressing the reset button. Hoping to integrate leafy, beautiful foods back into my diet. It's fun, anyway. Next step: figuring out how to get out and walk or bike or whatever...even though the sun is MIA. I'll leave you with this poem I wrote last week:

Wait. Weight. Don't tell me.
It's too late. Shoulda walked away
when the scale read 'E'
as if to say: use your "e"
Imagination? Close enough.

Imagine yourself beautiful
and alive - still wearing a
size 8 loosely. Isn't that
satisfying enough?

But no, you couldn't wait -
Had to know.
Had to think about it in the shower -
taking inventory
of all those half-donuts at the church,
Quik Trip soft drinks (no one gets the small size...)
and cheap hamburgers with extra pickle for the sojourn home.

Weight...wait. No sense atoning for this sin now.
Have to wait until you're home and filling your own fridge
with greens and legumes and other affirming victuals.
But not now. No time
for broccoli shopping on a funeral trip.
Eat your casseroles and jellos and
repent when you return.

But wait! Wait...
There is something you can do,
wherever you are...

Stand before the mirror -
hover over the sink. Dip
your finger in any living water -
mark yourself with the
cross of Christ
and trust that you are
a beloved child of God -
no ifs, ands, or big butts about it.

Deborah Lee Clark Thompson (November 3, 1950 - November 4, 2009)

This is one of my favorite photos of Debbie, my mother-in-law, taken at our wedding in 2002.

Debbie passed away just last week, somewhat unexpectedly. (At least, I was surprised.)

I was glad to hear that her last day had some levity and joy and conversations with her siblings.

John and I drove out for the services in Salt Lake City last week. It was hard, and sad, and beautiful.

Over FIVE HUNDRED PEOPLE were in attendance at her funeral. The church was packed, even with the choir loft filled and folding chairs in the aisles. This kind of attendance doesn't make the sting of death hurt any less, but it was inspiring. She quietly and humbly touched so many lives.

She taught at the same Elementary school for over 34 years. All the teachers showed up for her funeral, even some of the subs.

Of course, during these times of death and reflection, it's hard not to take inventory of one's life. I find myself wishing I would have done more, prayed more, been in better contact, expressed my love more...

There is always so much more we could have done - at least it seems that way when we sit in the shadow of afterwards.

But for now, I'll be grateful for what I got. Several family dinners, a field trip to the downtown library followed by lunch, a collaborative quilting project, a couple camping trips, and all the events she and Bruce were a part of that affirmed us. I may have forgotten, but in picking up photo albums I've been noticing, 'oh yeah, there they were.'

When her Bishop spoke he said that Debbie was ready to 'meet God.' That's probably right, it matches what John and his sisters told me about her journey through her illness. And throughout her life she was always ready for something, never sagging in a chair or on the sofa just waiting for time to pass. It was too soon, and many, her immediate family even more so than me, will feel the void for a long time. But she was ready to meet God. Those gathered to celebrate and remember her life filled the pews. She showed up, you might say, was even present in her last moments. And that in itself is inspiring.

Thanks for reading.

A Crabby Confession

Here's what I wrote a few minutes ago in my journal.

I was crabby while I was making tortillas tonight. It wasn't going well, I was too rushed and annoyed. I actually said, 'F YOU!' to one of them, wadded it up in the wax paper, and threw it away.

"You're in a mean mood."

Yes, I'm quite aware that he has a 'firm grasp of the obvious,' but you know... sometimes you just don't want to hear the obvious.

I am sorry -- but it is for something I haven't yet mastered control over. I'm sorry that annoying circumstances have the power to linger and even butt in - hours later - as I palpate tortilla matter.

But then, there are these little graces, too.
You don't even have to name them - just sense them, sometimes, and be OK even when the crabbiness hasn't fully been flushed from your system.

I did eventually apologize for my 'mean mood.' (It was, after all, an accurate assessment.)

And at present, I'll just delight and laugh at my earlier verbal and physical assault of the tortilla... and be grateful as I unwind in my warm bed with a mug of tea and a good book.

FALL BLOG

Here are some of our photos ... from Fall and visitors and walks about town.... enjoy!

Hi, My name is Kendra and I'm a Blog-a-holic. It's been 10 days since my last post.

Here's a picture from when my parents were here. We went to a coffee shop on the plaza. The photographer - either mom or dad, one of 'em - was a little close so we look kind of ghost-like. (So I thought I'd leave the picture small.)

It's been a busy month, October! We've had lots of visitors. On the same day that our friends Jamie and Sharon were en route from Fort Collins, my grandma and her new beau swung through town to take me to lunch and deliver a vacuum and a toaster oven to me. It was fun to see them in the midst of their honeymoon roadtrip. They spent THREE DAYS of their honeymoon visiting my uncle in prison. That was Jim's idea. I think that makes him a winner in my book. Plus, they're so twitter-pated lovey-dovey with one another. Makes me wanna barf. (with joy of course.)

Then Sharon and Jamie were here. It was so fun to show them around town - and to have friends to hang out with and break our routine! We enjoyed doing pizza taste tests and ordering the fishbowl of beer with them at Louise's. Ok, it's called a "schooner."

Then, mama came. We got to see some of Kansas City that I hadn't seen before. I drive right past all the cool stuff on my way to work. It was fun to have lunch on the plaza and shop around. Lawrence doesn't really have much for fancy-shmantz shopping... which is probably good, since I'm only partially employed. :)

John's cousin Ryan drove through town and we spent a couple hours with him - showed him campus and caught up over breakfast at Milton's. That was fun.

Then dad came to town to meet up with the rest of us. We celebrated John's birthday and spent Friday night with my uncles and aunts and nephew.

So...we've been busy and social! After last night, "Creepy Coffeehouse" at the church for the youth, I felt sufficiently POOPED. I came home, showered, pajama'd, and John and I watched Law and Order while I melted into the couch.

Today I didn't even leave the house until 2pm. It was delightful. I talked to myself. I reconciled the money. I baked. I cooked. I returned library books and took the recycling to the recyle center. I did laundry.

And now...I guess I'm just pleased. With life. With the job. With a happy huz and fam. Thanks for reading.

Marv

I got word from Fort Collins today about a church member who died. I gasped when I received the email - a mixed response of grief and relief. Then, I picked up the phone to call my friend, the messenger.

There is much that I could say about Marv, but I 'd rather keep it simple. So, I thought I'd post a poem. This poem had been a favorite of mine from the English Major days, but now I share it. I used it for a writing exercise in the journaling class I taught at Shepherd of the Hills two years ago. Marv liked it and had me photocopy for him.

Angina Pectoris by Nazim Hikmet

If half my heart is here, doctor,
the other half is in China
with the army flowing
toward the Yellow River.
And every morning, doctor,
every morning at sunrise my heart
is shot in Greece.
And every night, doctor,
when the prisoners are asleep and the infirmary is deserted,
my heart stops at a run-down old house in Istanbul.
And then after ten years
all I have to offer my poor people
is this apple in my hand, doctor,
one red apple: my heart
And that, doctor, that is the reason
for this angina pectoris---
not nicotine, prison, or arteriosclerosis.
I look at the night through the bars,
and despite the weight on my chest
my heart still beats with the most distant stars.

October Dress Project

I got a bit of a late start, but for the month of October I will wear one dress. It wasn't an original idea, but a nudge from a friend and the prompting to read this article from Curator Magazine on the project.

I knew almost instantly which dress it would be (not that I own many dresses). The one I picked is a green linen/rayon blend sleeveless dress that I picked up at Eco-Thrift for $8 almost two years ago.

The other night I spent a couple hours trying on combinations with this dress. To my surprise -- there are many possibilities! I hope that I can learn something from the wardrobe I already have and the creative abilities I already possess. I hope I can remember these things next time I'm out shopping.

I don't intend to change the world, just my mind a bit. This past Sunday we read the scripture from Mark about the rich man who was unable to leave his many possessions behind to follow Christ. I don't presume that my month-long dress project is anywhere near that kind of discipline. But the similarity is that it gives me an opportunity to re-assess my relationship to my "stuff."

Thanks for reading. Enjoy the pics.